Rantings of Stu

Winter this year, as it does all years, has hit me something fierce. Despite being a longtime Utah resident, I don’t like these cold winters and hot summers. Someday, to my native San Diego I shall return. Until then, I try and keep warm with a few of these tips.

Bundle Up

This should be obvious, but every year people die from the cold despite being indoors. Some people, especially the elderly, don’t realize that their body temperature is dropping. If body temp drops too low, then you are at risk for hypothermia.

If you are lowering your thermostat like I do to try and save money on your heating bill, then be sure to bundle up.

Make Sure Your Heater is in Tip-Top Shape

If it’s been awhile since you’ve had your system looked at, contact a contractor heating and ventilation specialist. A good contractor will also be able to help you maximize the efficiency of all your components, thereby helping to keep your house warmer while saving you money at the same time!

Keep Moving

Sitting around bundled up in a ball can conserve energy, but it can also make you cold. Moving around and getting some exercise helps to keep the blood flowing and your core body temperature where it should be.

Keep Extra Blankets Handy

Keep extra blankets at the foot of your bed. If the cold is waking you up in the middle of the night, you might convince yourself that’s it’s too cold to go out to the hall closet to grab another blanket. Keep a couple extras at the foot of the bed so you can simply pull them up when you wake up shivering.

I originally wrote this post several months ago, and decided against posting it. But I had a friend recently lose his job and the insulation from living in Utah means the economy is starting to hit closer to home… I thought now would be a good time to put it up. I know, I know. It’s a serious post. I’ll be back to the normal idiocies soon enough.

In the meantime, enjoy a rare “serious” post…

Okay. I’m no economist, but I’ve been watching our nation go up and down for over three decades now and studied its history much farther into its past that that. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from studying our great nation’s history, it’s that history does indeed repeat itself.

I’ve read up on several articles regarding the economy, even talked with some real deal economists (one of which predicted years ago exactly what is happening right now), and I’ve come to the conclusion that if there were ever a time to not freak out, that time is now.

Here is some general advice from economists that are smarter than me.

Start Saving Automatically

Most people don’t save. You should. Set up a high-yield account (ING’s money market account pays over 3% at the time of this writing) and set up automatic monthly deposits to it. Keep it there for an absolute emergency, such as a job loss. And no, a sudden craving for a Whopper or caving to the high-pressure salesman on the late-night infomercial is not considered an emergency.

This advice never changes. You should be saving whether times are good or bad.

Had you been saving up to this point, then you’d already be prepared in case something bad does happen. It’s not too late! Start saving now! And remember: that Mason jar you’ve been using as a piggy bank doesn’t pay interest. Open an FDIC-insured account that does.

Don’t Lose Your Job

This is a “well duh!” moment, right? Not as much as you think. If you are not an invaluable asset to your company (and don’t make the mistake of thinking that you are) then make yourself that way. This doesn’t mean dressing in a minstrel suit and singing songs of joy to your boss. Butt kissing only goes so far.

Taking on extra work, volunteering for vital projects, and keeping yourself visible to the upper echelons just might save you if and when the next round of layoffs come ’round.

The complainers and negative thinkers will probably be the first to go. Avoid those people so management won’t associate you with them and lump you in during layoff time.

Spend Money Like You’ve Already Lost Your Job

If you lost your job today, what financial changes would you make in order to stretch your money as far as possible? Stop paying the outrageous $15/month fee for the porno channel? Use that $15 on a set of rabbit ears and cancel cable TV altogether? Downgrade your cell phone plan? Cancel your subscription to Hustler Magazine?

Do those things now and put that extra money into the high-yield account you’ve set up. You have set that up already, right?

Keep Your 401k Going

Something I’ve heard a lot from people is “I just lost X thousand dollars from my 401k!” or something similar. Here’s the thing… you haven’t actually lost anything (from a certain point of view as my Jedi friends might say). You only lose if you cash out. Keep contributing to it and when the market rebounds, you’ll get all that money that you “lost” back.

Remember, your 401k is a long term investment. And don’t stop contributing, especially if you have an employer match. That’s like a guaranteed 100% gain right there! It would be foolish to give that up.

In Conclusion

There’s nothing new here. In fact, this is all stuff you probably already know… so just do what you know to be right. Surviving the financial panic means not panicking. When good times come back, Hustler Magazine and the porno channel will still be there waiting for you.

Growing up, I always heard the story about the professor that taught statistics at some university and forced his wife to drive a gray Buick LeSabre, or some other equally boorish vehicle, absolutely banning her from driving a red car.

So why no red cars? Because red is the color of the devil? Remember now, the guy in the story is a statistician. According to legend, drivers of gray cars and Buick LeSabres receive fewer tickets than any other driver. Drivers of red cars, the story goes, receive the most tickets.

Now people will say that cops target red cars and sports cars and blah blah. Well, I personally think it has more to do with the kind of personality that chooses to drive red sports cars versus those who choose to drive gray Buicks that affect the statistics, not the bias of cops. In other words, you can drive a red Corvette and get fewer tickets than your neighbor who drives a gray LeSabre. It’s easy. Just don’t break any traffic laws!

Despite a public claiming car color predicts the number of times you’ll be pulled over, a recent study seems to have blown such preconceived notions out of the water.

So what kind of vehicle gets ticketed the most? Believe it or not, it’s the Hummer followed closely by the slow-selling Scion. Turns out that most Scions are driven by teens, which explains that — not that teens are targeted by cops, but rather that teens are more likely to drive irresponsibly. But the Hummer? Maybe the photo below can shed some light on that:

Okay, that photo’s not real. I PhotoShopped in the word bubble… and the Hummer. I am shamed.

Now, the moment you’ve been waiting for. Which car gets ticketed the least? The gray LeSabre? Actually, it’s the Jaguar XJ (which, come to think of it, is most commonly a gray color). And if you think that’s weird, the Jag is followed closely by the Chevy Suburban and full-sized Chevy pickups.

My explanation? The Jag is driven by wealthy, sophisticated gentlemen who smoke cigars. Last thing you want is to drive crazy and accidentally drop that very expensive Cuban in your lap.

Check out the full story here, or take a look at the table below:

When the economy hurts, consumers hurt. When consumers hurt, businesses start to feel the squeeze pretty quickly, some industries more so than others. If your business is feeling the squeeze, it’s time to take action. Even during the Great Depression, some businesses continued to thrive. The innovators and those willing to adapt are the ones that will make it through these tough times.

Here are a few tips for the business owner that feels like the doors are starting to close on the financial hurt locker.

Keep Advertising

Whatever you do, don’t stop advertising. The tighter consumers get, the more competition there is going to be for consumer dollars. If you’ve already been advertising and it doesn’t seem to be helping, start looking into alternative marketing methods.

The yellow pages have been the traditional place to to tell locals about local business. But surveys show that every year, fewer and fewer people use this traditional source, giving it up in favor of internet search engines. With more eyes looking to the internet to find exactly what it is that you offer, you should be making sure you can be found where the eyes are looking!

Get a website, get listed in online directories and Google and Yahoo! local results, and consider using pay-per-click (PPC) ads.

Old standbys such as flyers, coupons, newspapers and so forth are still viable alternatives, although their effectiveness wanes each day as the internet takes hold of society.

Get a Loan

Don’t have the money to advertise? Outdated equipment causing you to fall behind the competition? Consider getting a loan. A lot of banks are tightening their belts and making it tougher to qualify for business loans. But there is still money out there to be had. If you own a fast food joint for example, and your clamshell grills are on their last leg, there are specialized Franchise Loans that can help you get up out of your rut and provide you with the financing you need to keep the burgers cooking and the doors open.

Adapt, Innovate, and Live — Or Don’t and Die

During the Great Depression, savvy business owners started serving salted peanuts to patrons for free. Sounds counter-intuitive, right? On the contrary, the salty peanuts made patrons more thirsty, causing them to purchase more of a restaurant’s highest-margin menu items… drinks.

Innovation doesn’t necessarily mean some grand epiphany that will change your industry forever. Like multi-millionaire entrepreneur Felix Dennis suggested, forget about how great the idea is and focus on a great execution of that idea.

Changing the way you do things, departing from what has always worked before, may feel like a great risk. But for the entrepreneur, risk equals reward.

Remember when you first got in to business? How exciting it was and how willing you were to try new things? Bring that excitement back. Try new things. Adapt and live, or stay in your cave and die. History is full of entrepreneurs who endured through the toughest of times. Now it’s time for you to carve out your place in entrepreneurial history!

Jeanne Calment. Regarded as the oldest living person in recorded history. Over a period of 122 years, she saw a lot. But this is perhaps my favorite story of hers.

In 1965 André-François Raffray, an attorney, agreed to pay Calment 2,500 francs per month until Calment’s death in exchange for ownership of her apartment after she passed. Calment was 90 at the time. Seems like a great deal, right?

Whoa now, not so fast! A funny thing happened. Raffray, at the age of 77 (yep, he’d been paying for 30 YEARS!) died.

Okay, so not only had Raffray ended up paying 30 years for something he probably expected to only pay on for a few years — if not a few months — but he died before Calment! Raffray’s wife took on the payments after his death for another two years until Calment died in 1997, the oldest living person in recorded history.

Oldest Living Person in Recorded History

Astonishingly, she smoked for most of her life, finally giving it up at the age of 119; not because she was worried about her health, but because she was losing her sight and couldn’t see well enough to light up.

So, the moral of the story? Don’t make an agreement like Raffray did with any of Calment’s relatives. Her father lived into his 90’s, her brother nearly hit 100. You just might get the one that lives forever!

In August of 1963, one of America’s finest men spoke to a crowd of nearly a quarter million people in the shadow of another great American, Abraham Lincoln.

Lincoln, during debates for his first presidential campaign, fielded many questions regarding Blacks and the issue of slavery. Lincoln’s opponent held a common belief among White Americans that the Black race was inherently inferior.

During one debate Lincoln’s response was, essentially, even if that’s true, it doesn’t mean they aren’t men who deserve the same freedom as anybody else.

Lincoln once said, “As I would not be a slave, so I will not be a master.”

Lincoln was a bit ahead of his time… which really is unfortunate that there was a time when people were so limited in their thinking as to believe that the color of a man’s skin was an indicator of their intelligence.

Nearly one hundred years later, a Black teenager entered college at the age of 15 and went on to manhood to earn a doctorate in theology.

That man, from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in 1963, concluded:

When we let freedom ring … all of God’s children … will be able to join hands and sing…

Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty we are free at last!

Perhaps in another hundred years, people will look back on our time and wonder about our society, and think how foolish it is that we withhold freedoms from groups of people because we don’t like the way they live, love, or believe. And perhaps they will have found a whole other group of people to hate and withhold freedoms from.

And, like us, they will feel justified in it just as they felt justified in withholding freedoms  a hundred years before today and as we feel justified in doing it now.

And someone like me will wonder, “Will we ever be able to let freedom ring? Will we ever truly be free at last?”

On the other hand, you might want to move to Peru permanently depending, as the Jedi like to say, on your point of view.

One Pablo Cayo, a janitor, showed up to work plastered one day. So his employer did what any scum-sucking pig of a corporation would do… they fired him. Fortunately for Pablo, a justice of the Constitutional Tribunal felt his pain and ordered that Pablo be given his job back. Maybe the justice has tossed a few back while on the bench. Who knows? All that matters is that Pablo, a fine upstanding and responsible citizen of Peru, has rightfully gotten his job back where he can sweep the floor while sloshed all he wants.

And people say America is the Land of the Free? I’m packing my bags for Peru, the only TRUE free country left in the world.

Thanks to ChurchSignGenerator.com for helping me out with the above image. Making fake signs is so much fun!

Honor and courage are curious things. Throughout history, different cultures of different societies have defined what honor is, how to achieve it, and how one loses it.

Recalling strictly from memory, I seem to remember being told of a Native American tribe who showed courage and gained honor by scalping the enemy — which required one to get up close and personal — rather than simply killing them in battle.

But it is the story of Aristodemus, Spartan warrior, which intrigues me the most; perhaps because his story gives me hope.

Aristodemus was one of the famous 300 Spartans sent to face the Persians at Thermopylae. It was his destiny to die there, but he unfortunately received an eye infection that caused inflammation, causing him to be blind. Another of the 300, Eurytus, suffered the same. King Leonidas, seeing that they are not fit for battle, sends the two to Alpeni to recover.

Another of the 300, Pantites, is sent to Thessaly by Leonidas, though the reason why isn’t entirely clear.

While Aristodemus and Eurytus are in Alpeni, news arrives that the Persians have surrounded the (now 297) Spartans. Eurytus makes the decision to return to Thermopylae and do his part as a soldier. Because Eurytus is blind, he must be guided by his herlot (a Spartan slave essentially) to the battle where he charges into the foray and quickly meets his end.

For me, the story of Eurytus is an inspiring one. A man who performed his duty despite his affliction, knowing full well that he would meet with death for so doing. In modern times, one can look to Master Sergeant Gary Gordon and Sergeant First Class Randall Shughart of Black Hawk Down fame for similar inspiration.

Aristodemus, on the other hand, stayed behind because, “his heart failed him,” as the Greek historian Herodotus put it. Pantites, who had hoped to return to Thermopylae in time to do battle, did not. Both he and Aristodemus were the only ones to survive of the 300 to return to Sparta. Now Spartans had a saying. Holding out their husband’s shield, Spartan women would say, “Return with it, or on it.” That is to say, return victorious or dead from trying. There was no retreat for a Spartan warrior.

Well, guess what? Aristodemus and Pantites both returned alive, yet without victory. No greater dishonor could befall a Spartan warrior. Both were labeled as “tremblers,” which is what they called those they considered to be cowards. While Spartans had no issues killing people they didn’t like, tremblers were allowed to live that they might be disgraced and live with their dishonor. Pantites would have none of it, and killed himself out of shame.

Aristodemus did not kill himself, but rather lived with the dishonor bestowed upon him. No Spartan would speak with him or provide him with assistance of any kind. Some even said that he never had any illness at all, but ran from Thermopylae out of fear. But he would be given the opportunity to redeem himself at the Battle of Plataea where the Greeks would hand the Persians a crippling defeat.

Aristodemus fought with such fury, often breaking ranks of the phalanx (a common battle formation of the time) to charge alone into the heart of the enemy, it is said that he did so in the hopes of dying in battle in order to regain his honor. And while Sparta decided that Aristodemus had indeed redeemed himself for his folly at Thermopylae, and even said that he fought more bravely than any other at Plataea, he would not receive any recognition. Awards would be bestowed instead on three other Spartans who fought, less valiantly according to Herodotus, that day.

Spartans made a distinction between risking death in battle and seeking death in battle. If you don’t value your life, then how can there be courage when it is risked? It was determined that Aristodemus sought death, and therefore did not deserve battle honors.

But for Aristodemus, I imagine no greater reward could be given than the redemption of his honor — and his name — no longer The Trembler.
For more about Aristodemus and other stories of courage throughout history, I recommend sitting down with William Ian Miller’s The Mystery of Courage.

Nothing against anybody who likes to compare their business to the Spartans, but if you do be aware that you might have the unfortunate problem of having an educated person at your company.

Recently, during a company meeting where I work, the movie 300 was brought up. The question was asked, “Does anybody know why the Spartans were so successful [at the Battle of Thermopylae]?”

So I raised my hand and responded, “Well, to start with the Spartans were a warrior society. Their soldiers were trained to fight almost from birth. Secondly, they chose a location that gave them a significant tactical advantage.”

Somebody else piped up and said, “And they were all slaughtered in the end,” which becomes significant later on.

The response was, “Okaaay…” That is to say, not the answer they were looking for. Another person spoke up and said something about the phalanx formation and how each hoplite was responsible for protecting the soldier to his left. Of course, he didn’t use the words “phalanx” and “hoplite” because the only thing he knew about military strategy of the time is what he saw in the movie 300.

Nonetheless, he received a “Yes! Teamwork!” And that’s what they were looking for.

“Cool,” I thought to myself, as I realized I was probably the only person in the room that had any actual military experience. Teamwork is, indeed, a huge part of any military unit and mission.

I worked late that night. I left at 8:00 so I could tuck my kids in before they fell asleep. Then worked at home until 10:00. We are so crazy busy (in a good way), “teamwork” in my department means working your ass off… or on, as the case may be, since you rarely get to leave you chair.

Anyway, I went to bed that night and for some reason unknown to me I woke up at 2:30 in the morning. My heart was pumping hard and I had difficulty falling back asleep. But during my half-dazed waking period, I thought about the Spartans.

The Spartans certainly worked together as a team. But so did the Persians. It’s possible that the 300 Spartans worked together better. But so did the South during the Civil War. The South had better officers, better tacticians, and better overall technology. So why did the South lose? Numbers. Pure and simple.

The Persians also had numbers. Huge numbers. Nobody knows for sure how many were at the Battle of Thermopylae, but estimates at the low end say 80,000 while Herodotus reported over 5 million. Either way the Greeks, with an estimated 6,000 total, were heavily outnumbered. The only way the Greeks were able to hold the Persians was with a very strong tactical advantage, that being the narrow corridor the Persians were forced to fight within, thereby limiting the number of Persians that were able to attack at any given time with the only option being a frontal assault.

The Greeks, Spartans in particular, had better training, better armor, better weapons, and better leadership. In a face to face match, the Persians didn’t stand a chance. But once the Greeks lost their tactical advantage, the battle became quickly lopsided.

A man named Ephialtes (which today is Greek for “Benedict Arnold”) informed Xerxes, the Persian king, of a path around the mountain. Tactical advantage gone, the Greeks were quickly done away with.

But it was what I thought about next that caused me to laugh in my daze. It wasn’t really funny, but in my half-conscious state, it was. The Spartans were a military might for centuries; one of the most feared armies of the world. But all things must come to an end.

As military technology and tactics began to change, the Spartans — so confident in their phalanx strategy (which they had formed their entire society around) — failed to adapt to changing conditions and thus lost the advantage of having the world’s strongest military. And, as a coworker of mine so eloquently stated, “They were all slaughtered in the end.”

Bringing that over to the corporate world, one could say that sitting on your laurels is a bad thing. Don’t forget the lesson of the Spartans. Dining in Hell makes for great stories to your grandkids, but is bad for business.

I eventually fell asleep again, probably with some crazed smile on my face.

When I was in high school, I took an economy class. Up to then, I thought that inflation was caused by greed. Shoemaker charges more for his services, shop owner has to raise price of shoes, people need to get paid more to afford shoes, employers have to pay more to keep employees else they find better paying jobs so they can afford higher-priced shoes.

Then my economy teacher tells me, “No, inflation is mostly caused by the government printing more money.”

Then suddenly I understood. The more money there is in circulation, the less it’s worth. This concept was cemented in my mind when I watched a Duck Tales episode titled Dough Ray Me in which the economy was flooded with quarters due to Huey, Duey, and Louis using a duplication device to increase their funds. But the the device had a bug. Anything you duplicated would continue duplicating itself, along with its duplicates. Next thing you know, the streets are overflowing with quarters and a candy bar costs $10 trillion.

If you want to see runaway inflation at work, visiting Zimbabwe right now would be a great idea. While it seems like there is always some country somewhere with runaway inflation (often resulting from a corrupt government), Zimbabwe is in the midst of it right now.

Visit this blog post for some good stuff. My favorite picture is this one:

Notice the issue date of July 1, 2008. And then, notice what essentially amounts to an expiration date:

The value of a $100 billion dollar bill today? As of this writing, just under $10,000 US. In other words, one U.S. dime is worth $1 million Zimbabwe. So your pocket change makes you a multimillionaire… in Zimbabwe.

This is what happens when the government pours money into the economy. Think about that next time you get free money in the form of a economic stimulation check.