No Rights for Non-HumansUnless you’ve been living under a rock for the last 20 years, you know of the arrival of the non-humans, the annexation of District 9 in South Africa, and slow-moving attempts to “safely assimilate” non-humans into human society and culture.

This may all seem fine and dandy on the surface. However, there has been a growing movement to provide equal rights and opportunities to non-humans and to fully integrate them into human society, in essence trying to make the non-humans human and make the Earth their home just as if they were natives! Do not be fooled by this movement of crazed aliens and overly trusting humans, most human supporters of whom have never met an “outlander”!

Here is video of a human-created alien support group protesting in California. How many of these American protesters do you think have actually gone to South Africa to visit District 9 and meet with an actual outlander? All I have to say is that there is a reason humans are discouraged from visiting District 9 without police protection!

Here is the simple truth: the aliens are violent, primitive-minded brutes whose technology has advanced far quicker than their civility. It’s surprising they hadn’t completely destroyed themselves via wars of advanced weaponry. Those in support of alien rights say they are a peaceful species. Why, then, was their alien vessel stacked like a warship? That spaceship was built to conquer, no doubt about it. They did not come here with peaceful intentions despite what the pro-alien media and the brainwashed humans of the equal rights movement would have you believe.

Something that we are not told is that the aliens kept slaves from other worlds. That they had forced the species they had conquered into hard labor, having them live under deplorable conditions by any standards. And yet all that is left of these alien slaves is evidence of their cells and torture chambers. What happened to these laborer slaves? I submit that our non-human residents had them vaporized upon learning they would be stuck here on Earth and forced to live among us.

In the 20 years since their landing, the non-humans have been plotting to conquer the human race. The formation of alien-lead resistance groups pushing for equal rights are springing up and many humans can’t seem to wait to join the movement. Their growth and popularity is reminiscent of terrorist groups in Earth’s past.

One “Christopher,” an underground, supposedly alien, blogger posted a clip from what he claims is his first interrogation by Earth forces (scroll to post of June 6 titled “See the Real Me”). Note how he… it, conveniently provides captioning to translate the alien language into peaceful cries for understanding and assistance. Its deceit sickens me! Do you trust translation made by the alien? It’s more likely the alien is telling the human representative where he can stick it followed by threats of our utter destruction! Why else would we expend so much energy to isolate them and prevent them from being allowed to use their own technology?

Do not be fooled my friends! They must go!

It’s been awhile since I posted cell phone pictures. I’ve gotten a few good ones since that time, so here they are.

To start things off, what would you expect if you ordered a chicken nugget kid’s meal from Burger King? Probably not what I got when I did the same:

Chicken Nuggets Kids' Meal

Not enough for me to stop loving the Burger King. After all, it’s not his fault minimum wage doesn’t buy good help. Speaking of which, minimum wage quality employees probably explain this next one, taken in the K-Mart toys section:

Dinosaur Butt

Bet you didn’t know you can buy dinosaur butts, huh? Okay, so enough ripping on the minimum wagers. I had one of those jobs once. Err… twice, three times? Plenty of them anyway.

Well, let’s see what else I got here. Hey, how would you feel about eating this egg?

Retarded Chicken Egg

Which came first: the retarded chicken, or the retarded chicken egg?

Let me ask you a question. What do you imagine when you think about U.S. Marines? Manly men? Heart breakers and life takers? Or hot pink girly letters?

Girly Marine?

You gotta be one BAD ASS Marine to have enough courage to put that on your car. Oh yeah, and that’s a manly Dodge Charger those letters are on.

As long as we’re looking at patriots:

WTF?

Dude, what’s with the upsidedown flag? Proper flag etiquette states that you only display the flag upside down under conditions of “dire distress.” Well, the driver was pretty old. Maybe for him, that’s direly distressful.

Now that we’ve moved on to disrespect, how about a little disrespect of city property:

Honoring the City

Hmm… now that I think about it, having Dwight painted on you would be considered an honor in some circles.

So there you have it folks. Pictures right off my cell phone — believe it or not. For past episodes:

Episode 1
Episode 2

Until next time…

There are still a few of us that believe that to die in the service of your country is to die with honor. We believe that because when a person has enough honor within themselves that they voluntarily choose to serve their country, they are serving much more than just their country… they are serving the people — every man, woman, and child — of their country.

Today we honor those who died because of what they died for — so scum like this can have the freedom to hate those who died fighting for that freedom.

For those who died, I can only hope that I’ll some day make it to heaven myself so I can thank you proper.

2006
2007
2008

Longtime readers may recall my post about the new Star Trek movie from March of last year. Well, it only took a year, but I finally got to see which of my suggestions my good buddy J.J. took. Here is a quick review:

Kirk Defeats the Kobayashi Maru Scenario — We finally got to see Kirk do this. Very cool. Thumbs up Mr. Abrams!

Christopher Pike Does The Cage — No mention of Captain Pike’s mission to Talos IV. Looks like most of the movie took place prior to that mission.

Robert April Does Something Cool — Not even a MENTION of Robert April. In fact, they suggest that Christopher Pike is Enterprise’s first commander. Thumbs down Abrams!

Kirk Gets Harassed by Sean Finnegan — They didn’t do it. What the *#@!? Dude, you so should have had Sean Finnegan play a prank on Kirk. That they didn’t do this I’m probably most disappointed about.

Guinan Works the Local Bar — They didn’t do it, but that’s okay.

Hard core Trek fans will find plenty to be disappointed by, but in the end it was really cool movie. Us Trek geeks will just have to accept that Trek history is no longer what we thought it was.

Remember the news story from a while back regarding the lady from my home town who called 911 after locking herself in her car?

In an effort to spread the love, the universe — in its great wisdom — has spread those from the lowest of the IQ bucket to all corners of the world. Perhaps it is to make those of us who are marginal at best, like myself, feel better about our averageness. Whatever the reason, one thing we can always count on them for is a bit of good old humor.

Thanks to FailBlog.org for hosting the following example of pure comical genius.

Something about doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results, right? Somebody should have told a certain Michigan teenager.

UPI recently reported that a teen in Kalamazoo was arrested for marijuana possession. So the cops hauled him in and later released him on $100 bail. In his brilliance, the kid went back to the exact same spot where he was arrested and — no joke — started rolling himself a marijuana joint.

In his defense though, the kid did do something a little different. He was packing a little crack the second time around. Didn’t help change the outcome though. He was arrested again and hauled in for possession of marijuana, crack cocaine, and violating bond.

Geniuses. They’re everywhere!

So somebody at work has decided to put together an employee golf tournament. I joined, but my only problem is that I just can’t seem to break 150 yards with my one-armed drive. Guess my best bet is to improve my golf short game.

Poker donkey, or golf donkey?Now I’ve spent my fair share of time watching the pros, trying to imitate them. I never did get my driving form right until I watched Tiger in slo-mo. But honestly… I kinda suck at golf. Even with two arms, I doubt I’d be much good. Lucky for me the company tournament is 4-man best ball! All I have to do is manage to get lucky every once in a while, and maybe I’ll nail something good — just like all those freakin’ donkeys do against me in poker! Yeah, you know who you are.

So how do you play your short game like a pro. Hmmm… maybe do what the pros do, which includes practicing like them. Seems like such a simple concept, right? Well, the thought never occurred to me until I visited the aptly name Practice Like a Pro website.

So all you golfers out there, what do you think? Keep working on my drive, or smash my short game? Bring it!

Doctors and scientists are an interesting bunch. If they can’t prove scientifically that something is true, well, they have a hard time believing it. If they were to see an elaborate snow sculpture of an enticing mermaid teasing onlookers, they would first assume it appeared there purely from natural causes until evidence that a person created it was brought forth.

And thus we are brought to the itch. We all feel it. We all scratch when we do. We all know that so doing provides relief. Or does it? If nobody knows how the scratch provides relief, does it actually do so? I’ll be honest… I have to wonder.

When I was going through military basic training, you weren’t allowed to touch yourself, ever. If a bug was crawling up your nose while you stood in formation, tough luck. You had an itch? There was no scratching. Funny thing happened after a few weeks of not scratching itches. I stopped itching. I was left to wonder if the itching ever actually existed. But then I was sent home and… what do you know? I started getting itches again, which I would quite hastily scratch.

One itchy monkeyWell, my dilemma is over! Thanks to the volunteer work of lab monkeys who agreed to be cut up, science is one step closer to proving the method in which scratching provides relief! There now, doesn’t that make you feel better? Scratch away America!

So I’ve recently had “the talk” with my tween daughter. You know… the birds, the bees and the thing about how the queen bee hooks up with the drones at the local bee bar and gets an STD because she was sleeping around with strange drones and not using protection? Yeah. It’s a little uncomfortable. But definitely necessary, especially these days.

Remember back to your sex education talks with your parents? I thought not. Most people from my generation didn’t discuss that kind of stuff with their parents. Some of us turned out okay, others… well, we got some strange answers to our questions about the big naughty.

That’s part of the reason I felt it was so important for me to get over my own discomfort on the subject and have the chat with my kids when they got old enough, and make sure I keep an open dialogue with them throughout. I have a friend whose sex ed consisted of his mother leaving the encyclopedia out, opened to the “sex” entry. I suppose if that’s the best you can do, then the modern equivalent would be to hit up HealthGuru.com and leave your computer open to their sex health page.

One way or another, your kids are going to learn about sex. Whether they get honest, truthful information or the weird crap that our generation got through the grapevine is up to you.

You hear the one about how you can’t get pregnant your first time as long as you’re laying on your back? It’s gone through a bit of a twist. My daughter told me that she heard you can’t get pregnant until you’ve had sex at least 4 times. Yikes!

Short Skirts Cause Pregnancy!

I remember being 10 or so and hearing that if a girl didn’t have sex during her period, she would die. Sounds absolutely crazy, I know, but to a 10 year old who doesn’t know any different, I was just like, “Wow!”

And what about getting STD’s. My understanding back in the day was that only guys could get HIV and only by having anal sex with another guy. Oh boy… that’s some dangerous (lack of) knowledge!

Here’s another good one. Every time you masturbate, your yang curves a little more. Boy if that were true, every guy in the world would have something shaped like a snail shell down there. We’d also all be blind!

Semen is red, douching afterwards is as effective as abstinence, urinating afterwards would prevent pregnancy, you can only get pregnant doing it “doggy” style… all untrue, but believed by many in my youth.

What are some of the oddest ideas you were given regarding sex growing up? This ought to be good for a laugh!

Every year we go through the torture of “springing forward” in order to… what? Partake in congress’ brilliant energy savings plan? Have more time to partake in leisurely activities? Tell Benjamin Franklin, “Ha! The joke’s on you!”

All I know is that Arizona, Hawaii, and the Hopi Nation are all smarter than the rest of the U.S.

During the first couple of months that we switched to daylight savings time, I ranted about it via Twitter. Here is a replay of my hateful tweets for those of you that missed them (all time stamps are MDT):

Off to bed. What the–?! It’s after midnight? Damn you daylight savings! Damn you to hell!
00:30 March 9

Dear daylight savings, may Charon kick you out of his ferry into the River Styx on your way to Hades!
09:46 March 12

After seeing your reign of terror on Earth, Hades would never allow you into his abode anyway #daylightsavings
09:50 March 12

Friday the 13th, you ain’t got nothing on #daylightsavings
10:32 March 13

#DaylightSavings may you reach sheol long before I, that I may enjoy at least part of my mortal life without you.
10:54 March 16

If #daylightsavings looks up and sees the face of Osirus, it will know it has arrived in its proper place.
09:30 March 17

If #daylightsavings were to arrive in Gre’Thor today, it would not be soon enough. #klingonafterlife
09:41 March 18

Kronos finds no honor in waking the dead an hour early! The Fields of Elysium you shall never see #daylightsavings
09:44 March 19

If #daylightsavings somehow found itself in the great halls of Valhalla, Odin would think that Ragnarök was upon him and death near.
10:09 March 20

Why is it snowing?! I blame you #daylightsavings
09:39 March 23

The sins of #daylightsavings are so great, it should be doomed to spend eternity in Naraka. But even Yama could not tolerate it for long.
10:02 March 24

Just realized all my bashing of #daylightsavings is probably what’s causing me to sleep in so much. #thesecret
09:49 March 25

Morning cloud cover+snow+fog=you should drive with your lights on. Thanks #daylightsavings for tricking drivers into not turning on lights!
09:33 March 26

Just learned that Wal-Mart is spending $40 million to develop and promote their online presence. Screw you #daylightsavings!
09:59 March 27

At one point, my sister told me that she doubted daylight savings had anything to do with the fact that it was snowing in the middle of March. I refuted that idea, and pointed her to this brilliant observation that showed daylight savings was also responsible for causing several years of drought:

Daylight Savings Causes Droughts

Hmm… I wonder. Is there any way we can blame daylight savings for global warming? Are you kidding? Daylight savings can be blamed for EVERYTHING!

So it has been said, so shall it be done.

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